Friday, November 11, 2011


Have you ever passionately disliked someone because they are so frickin' awesome?

The sight of their perfectly full head of fashionably coifed hair sets your teeth on edge, your teeth that are nowhere near as straight and blindingly white as those contained within their easy smile.

The way their incredibly stylish clothes cling to their chiseled musculature makes your blood boil. And they don't work out, it's "natural".

The mere thought of them with their equally beautiful partner and their cool high-paying job fills you with an anger that burns with the intensity of a thousand suns.

And then you get to know the real them, and you were maliciously hoping and praying that they were inflicted with the same neurosis and dysfunction as yourself, relishing in the assumption that a housing so flawless must be vacuous and ugly on the inside.

But alas.

They are bright and witty and can speak intelligently on any number of subjects, and when they do it is engaging and in a voice so mellifluous and on a tongue so silver that it makes the angels weep. They are possessed with the natural ease and charisma of Elvis Presley, and a compassion and kindness that shames Jesus.

They bowl 300 and can effortlessly use chopsticks.

They turn out to be a really cool person and are into the same interests as you. The type of person that would give the shirt off their sculptured back, someone you can go for a beer with. You are drawn to them, as is everyone, and instead of camaraderie this arouses a black invidiousness within you that you didn't even know you were capable of.

Its as though the gods imbued them with the wisdom of Solomon, the strength of Hercules, the stamina of Atlas, the power of Zeus, the courage of Achilles, and the speed of Mercury....and they have awesome taste in music!

Have you ever met someone you irrationally hated just for being more awesome than you?

What is that like?



  1. I met someone like that once. His name was Billy Batson. The guy was a total dick!